we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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