I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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