Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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