wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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