3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
