i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
