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the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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