so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
