My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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