I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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