I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
