Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i came on her dog
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
