I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
