she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize