Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
