We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
