I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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