i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
