If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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