just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
