I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
