that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
