I showed him my bush... on skype.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
