I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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