and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
