anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
