Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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