U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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