I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize