You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
