just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
