Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
