Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
