Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
