im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
