Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found the puke drawer
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
