i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
