Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
