I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
