You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
