i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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