He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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