did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
