I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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