You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
