I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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