i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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