He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry about my life...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
