Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
