My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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