Can i not drive my cunt home
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
