he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize