My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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