Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
