I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
