My room smells like vodka and shame
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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