jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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