End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
