my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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