It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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