Are we in a gay sports bar?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
