The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
