just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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