You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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