He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh god the rape fog is back!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
