Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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