She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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