Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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