i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
