Tell her she can't have a vagina
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
