Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
