we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
