im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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