Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
