last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
