She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
