would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
