i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
